Yesterday I went for a TB test. Along the conversation with the very nice CMA, she told me, "... as long as you want to do it, you will get there."
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Yesterday I had a free trenta pink drink that I havent had for a while. It tasted good. Life felt a bit good for a moment.
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I want to start writing again.
listening to music again
and maybe love myself again
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I have been reading fictions again since... October?
I fell into a black hole that is Mo Dao Zu Shi by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. I couldn't remember how many times I came across 'The Untamed" on Netflix, stared at the title and poster, and moved on.
On a random day, or should I say a destined day, I skimmed through several minutes of episode 1. Little did I know that I dug myself a deep deep grave. Some days I may be able to say that I re-watch it more than Grey's Anatomy (impossible!)
My cats are snuggling right now. They look so soft and warm, and fat.
A 50 episode drama changed into a 120? chapter novel... there are still donghua, audio, chibi and God knows what else in that cult I haven't gotten my hands on.
Reading has brought much comfort back into my life. Some people are just so gifted with their writing and creativity. I vaguely recalled some childhood memories of me being a bookworm. Sunlight filled afternoons, piles of books scattered on the floor, the summer heat, me laying on the cold tiles with a book in hand and aching pinky finger from spreading the book for too long, the legs of furniture in my visual field.
After MDZS, I stumbled on Faraway Wanderers by Priest. I think I may voluntarily stay in this black hole forever.
I've read 2 more so far, Guardian and Silent Reading/Mo Du. These days I would end my day buried under warm blanket in bed with a pdf file. There is a strange comfort from late night reading.. except Mo Du is mostly about serial killers behavior analysis... I think I love Luo Wen Zhou and Fei Du and Luo Yi Guo a little too much.
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I'm still learning little by little how to reframe my thoughts and put my attention in the right place.
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I found myself relating a little to Xiao Haiyang..
"Walking ahead, looking ahead, even though the road ahead was a blank, even though you could only rely on force of habit to keep walking ahead-
One day, you would find direction in your own endless steps.
It just took a little patience."
- Priest
