2048

Im crying so much

I have 2 homes but none of them makes me feel loved

I want to go very far away

Limits.

I had a long tiring day with head-exploding unnecessary fights. I just want to break things or throw everything away. I just want to go somewhere new and be something else.  

My mother is not happy with me

and probably never will.

...

It makes me feel like I'm some kind of damaged good. 

No matter what I become.

There is so much more about living than a category.

There is so much more about a person than his shell.

She is hurt because she does not understand.

I'm hurt because I understand.

I sometimes envy the people who don't care about their parents.

I sometime wish I don't care about mine or what they think or how they feel or how their marital relationship ruined me.

My parents are my backbone... 

And I tell myself everyday that I need to continue holding myself together even when my backbone doesn't do what it's supposed to do. I need to  function and progress even when my backbone doesn't support me.

Some path you have to walk alone. 

The familiar

You think you're slowly learning to understand and accept someone, until you realize they have always been looking for someone else in you. It's a bitter mixture of betrayal, disappointment, self-loathing, and a bit loneliness. 

But you remind yourself "this is not the first person and this is not the first time", you will be okay. Dont take negative things to heart. Dont let it make you bitter. 

I care a little too much about people. I have always been. I see myself in their shoes a little too often, Im not sure why I do that, it comes a bit natural like an old habit, maybe more often than I should, so I go an extra mile doing things for them the way I hope someone would do for me, to make them a little more comfortable. I grew up like that and I live my life like that. It's both a blessing and a curse, because people like me don't get noticed. We get taken for granted. We get mistaken for the things we don't do over all the things we have done.