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I came through a tumblr post that violently reminds me of the old days.
“It’s like a mother, when the baby is crying, she picks up the baby and she holds the baby tenderly in her arms. Your pain, your anxiety is your baby. You have to take care of it. You have to go back to yourself, recognize the suffering in you, embrace the suffering, and you get a relief.” - TNH

There was a period of time in my late teens early twenties, I was drowning.
..So I closed my eyes while driving on the freeway.
But I caught myself.
I went back to myself.
I accepted what hurt.
I accepted my lifeless self.
I embraced the suffering.
I made peace with it.
I carried it with me gently like carrying a child since the moment I was barely awake in the morning til the monent I drifted off to sleep at night.
I told it "I know you're there. I hear you I feel you even in my sleep. You can stay as long as you need to let go."
And there was just the two of us, crawling in my little chest wall listening to the clock ticking by.
And one time I had a relief.
And one day it left.

Sometimes it creeps back in to find me,
and we sit in silence like the old days,
and I say, "I know you're there. So don't be sad."

"It's okay that you stay for a little while, just a little while. I am good now."