happy halloween :D

we celebrated a friend's bday last weekend and everything was great! good weed and cold drink im just kidding :p tho we laughed so much about that lol.
i ate so much. we got some wings and ribs from buffalo wild wings, cheesecake, crepes, boba, pizza... we came across this senior couple walking their golden retriever puppy while we were in the parking lot and everyone went crazy. the puppy was sooooooo adorable!! if only santa clause wrapped a shiba inu puppy in a box with a lil bow in front of my house on xmas eve!!

my sleep cycle is terrible. i go to bed when the sun rises. lately i've been getting lots of drunk calls and even prank calls during the nights. is this karma...? usually i wouldnt be able to hear my phone ringing while i was asleep but since the new phone vibrates like earthquake... i went to bed at 4 the other day and my friend started calling at 4:30 +_+ as soon as i picked up he bawled out bc of some relationshit :( aw. at least sometimes good talks happen when one of the party is drunk as heck and the other is half-conscious...

Halloween is my 3rd favorite holiday! why? bc it's orange :D!!!
anyway, happy Halloween.

11 years ago omg hahaha i miss my childhood!

sleepless nights, good talks.

"what if we had a chance to remember things that we actually never experience?" -

"sound of the ocean, captured in a shell, like a memory. imagine if you had never been to the ocean, would it be any less real? imagine if it held something different, something more than just a sound.
what would you want to remember, if you could have a memory of anything, real or not?
a memory that actually never took place." 

- shell.

---------------------------------------------------

just saying C:

sometimes i stumble on my ex-crush fb page *moments of silence*... was i drunk the whole time?

i havent gone shopping for so long, need to find some time to hit the mall next week.. recently i've had a serious urge to chop my hair off just above my shoulder and maybe bleach it platinum blonde. im just too lazy to actually do it, and my mom may as well just shave my head after.

my aunt lives next door and apparently my baby cousin loves doraemon so much that she insistently asks to wear my pj everytime she comes over. i didnt want her to trip over the pants so i usually just let her wear the shirt, but even the shirt is longer than her height lol.
so yesterday i went to bed wearing my doraemon pj and woke up this morning in my boyshorts O_____O" my pants were no where in my bed and that just freak the absolute shit out of me! i watch lots of criminal tv shows so the first thing came to mind was wtf a rapist broke into the house during the night and stole my pants lol that sounds plain stupid... i ran out to the living room and found my baby cousin on the couch, wearing my pants and watching cartoons -_- she was like ":( im sorry i pulled your pants to wake you up but it was big so it feel off..."
im just gonna wear 3 pants to bed from now on.. and maybe a belt too.

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness."

i just think that there's much more to a person than what we see.
the sad part is that someone who treat you wrong can be so nice to someone else, and someone who treat you so nicely can be a total jerk to someone else.
when i was little, my mom taught me that when someone you care about so much doesnt take you serious and hurt you, dont hate them but back away and try to forgive the pain, because thanks to those people you learn the power of sincerity when you're able to open your heart to someone, you learn the good in yourself.
it was a long confusing process to learn how to forgive, like you're hurt but you still care. i found myself at war with my own feeling, not knowing when it's going to stop.
...
on the other hand, maybe sometimes you just need to run the bitch over (￣▽￣)ノ

like a letter left unsent.

what i like about instrumental music? there's no storyline, no word, no meaning, just you and your own feeling, your own story as the notes flow.
this piece feels like words that are purposefully left unsaid to protect something from being completely broken. 3:29-4:18 is my favorite part. it's like, after all, even if there comes a day when those words are finally slipped out, soon enough they 'll turn into a quiet whisper in an empty room.
because too much time has flown by, and in the end nothing seems to matter anymore.

in the end they are the only ones that still hang on to themselves, hoping to be heard, the ones that are left behind.

weekends

i just finished this chapter in this book. i turn to the new chapter, read couples of lines then turn back to the old chapter and re-read some parts of it. then i turn back again to the new one, read like a page then turn back to the old chapter again. put that on repeat for 675871878 times or so, i wanna burn my book.

there is this girl i know, she's not doing so well. i think she has dysthymia and major depression, that's what they said. i want to help but i dont know how to. i see her everyday at school and she laughs a lot around people but  her smile isnt convincing at all. i told her i dont know how to help her thru but i can promise she doesnt have to face it alone. isnt it sad? that feeling when you have to go through sth so terrible and youre the only one in the world who knows that. 

i love everything about autumn; the smell of wet soil after the rain, the colors, moist in the air, jeans, hoodies and scarf, cuddling C: cold sunny afternoon, the night sky... today was gorgeous, and next week ll be all sunny. should of take a walk in the park but i slept in too much during weekends -_- i didnt leave the bed till 6pm yesterday... there's sth wrong with me... got some shopping done tho C: 

it's 2:40am, im feeling some pancake and boba. think imma go to original hotcake house next week.

view from my roomc: 

pinwheels<3

i made this thing for autumn c:

i dont even know what this is..

i just realized i ll miss my brother a lot when he s gone :( no one will get boba with me anymore :(
it'll be so fun being home alone with my parents<3... i ll have to go buy 10 packages of advil or 5 hour energy drink or sth
went to some meetings today and met someone i thought i would never meet at school again. it kind of ruined the whole day. i thought PSU was big.. really :|
spent the rest of the afternoon studying bio and eating Ben&Jerry under the warm sun with my beerpong partner :]

 the leaves are turning red <3

 

i switched back to my lollipop so my texting skill is pretty retarded now..havent used normal keypad for so long.. and the picture quality isnt that great anymore.

i really really like this pic i dont know why. there's just sth about it.
it's like a mixture of all my favorite colors, and sth else i just cant explain..anywayyyy

im tired of everything

to cheer up the night, here's a nemo

"numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it" - albus dumbledore

i've been staring at my ceiling for an hour. it's been on my mind for a long time, i need to take it out before all these mixed feelings turn me all ugly inside.

i've been trying all my best not to let what you said destroy me, but the truth is that after all these times, your words are still at the back of my mind.
truth is that after seeing those texts, i never look at myself the same.
i lied because it didnt matter to you if you knew the truth.
did you think you were the only one going through a hard time? WE were in this TOGETHER you dumb ass..
so many times i wish i could tell you what you deserved to be told. but in the end i couldnt open my mouth seeing you struggling like that, so i buried them deep inside and let them hurt me instead. that's how much i care, and i hate myself for that.
all i did was just not to make things harder for you, no matter how bad it turned out for me.

maybe you dont remember.. i cared when no one else did.

blablabla

randomly saw this on fb. this is so old now lol. i havent done this stuff in so long.. boredom to the max.

TEN HOW'S:

How did you get one of your scars?
- i tripped over a rock

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
- i dont celebrate my bday, but usually i get myself a piece of yummy cake. i love cake

How are you feeling at this moment?
- obviously bored lol. and hungry

How did your night go last night?
- i need more sleep

How did you do in high school?
- very good

How did you get the shirt you're wearing?
- from freshman orientation couple years ago

How often do you see ur best friend?
- not very often at all, she lives in CA

How much money did you spend last month?
- idk.. think i spent some on ebay that's all. i dont spend much money in general

How old do you want to be when you get married?
- it changes from time to time.. used to be 27, then 32,now it's like 22 23.. doesnt really matter as long as i have my groom-to-be and im able to take care of a new fam

How old will you be at your next birthday?
- 20, time flies.geesuz -_-


NINE WHAT'S:

Your mothers name?
- mama Chin

What did you do last weekend?
- erh cleaned up, watched movies, visited my grandparents.. and sth else

What is the most important part of your life?
- all of them

What would you rather be doing?
- eatting, no food :< too lazy to cook.. What did you last cry over? - i was depressed for a long time,shitlife happens

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
- good food, that stuff is magic. play with dogs or babies, unfortunately i have none

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
- be yourself, please, by all mean

What are you worried about?
- my health, i've always been not very healthy since..birth

What did you have for breakfast?
- no breakfast, class at 9 -_- i got sushi later


EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:

Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
- yeah

Have you ever had your heartbroken?
- yeah, who hasnt

Have you ever been out of the country?
- yeah

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
- positive, but i cant recall any

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
- yes, but they were minor things

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
- no

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
- i dont think so

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
- the last book of harry potter


SEVEN WHO’S:

Who was the last person you saw?
- omma

Who was the last person you texted?
- BofA

Who was the last person you hungout with?
- huy&ceci

Who was the last person to call you?
- buttface

Who did you last hug?
- buttface

Who is the last person who texted you?
- BofA

Who was the las person you said "i love you" to?
- best friend?


SIX WHERE’S:

Where does your best friend live?
- CA

Where did you last go?
- target

Where did you last hang out?
- sushi hana

Where do you go to school?
- psu

Where is your favorite place to be?
- i like high places, roofie, terrace, ferris wheel..

Where did you sleep last night?
- home


FIVE DO’S/DOES:

Do you like someone right now?
- kind of

Do you think anyone likes you?
- yeah

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
- no, i wish i could be better

Do you know the muffin man?
- no

Does the future scare you?
- very

FOUR WHY’S:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
- we're meant to be haha

Why did you get a facebook?
- to stalk pp

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
- it's from a girl who fell to earth from the sky in an old movie

Why are you doing this survey?
- reminds me of the old myspace day


THREE IF’S:

If you could have one super power what would it be??
- to heal, telepathy, teleportation, empathy, super senses omg i cant choose!

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
- definitely, be with my grandma during her last days

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?
- SOS alert gps tracker..


TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
- no

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
- some of the questions r dumb

ONE LAST QUESTION

Are you happy with your life right now?
- im not perfectly happy, but im not desperate with it either, it's whatever

I ve been lying in bed for almost 2 hours but Im still wide awake. Im not even sleepy. I have to wake up at 7 tmr. Somebody please shoot me!!!!!

OCTOBER♥

Why am i up at 7:30 on a saturday morning...