I went to school like any other tuesday. I dont remember crying or feeling the grieve. I thought it might be because i wasnt there, or i was just glad she was no longer in pain, that she would be happier in a better place. Not until days or months later that i realized this was the kind of pain that will stick with me till the very end. The only thing i ever regret in my whole life was that i could have been there when she died, but i wasnt.
I remember listening to "when the love falls" all day long while i wrote diary about her. Later on i wasnt able to listen to that song again. Even till now, i still have that chill down my skins when i hear it.
.. Goodnight."
When my parents came back to the states, none of us ever talked about her last days or the funeral. It was too much to bear. It was the kind of silence that you can hear the slowly cracking sound in your chest.
Few days later it snowed the first snowfall of that winter. Everything was covered in white, and the day seemed brighter. It was the first time i saw snow. It looked really peaceful. I know this sounds silly but that day, for a short moment, i felt like it was a comfort from you.
We're all going to church tmr to pray for you C: its 4am now +_+ This week was deadweek before finals and yes im sure pretty dead by now... please wake me up on time or your beloved son will strangle me in bed...
rest.in.peace.
