2011 is almost over in a blink of an eye...
even though many unpleasant incidents happened during the break, which drove me insane, it's still great overall. im really enjoying the break C: it didnt rain much this winter. i was surprised we even got many sunny days. i love sunny days <3 but these 2 days it's been raining dogs and cats.
here r few thoughts to wrap up this year, few words for some pp that i didnt have a chance to tell them
- remember when i begged you to help me out? i was frustrated with you since i didnt hear any answers. but eventually in time, i realized you had done so much for me. i really appreciate it.
- thank you for always being there when i was down. i sometimes took you for granted. maybe we all did that. but im glad we're still there for each other in the end. everytime when i was about to give up, i remembered the effort you made for me and it kept me going. i might not have made it this far without you.
- you taught me what matters and what doesnt, who cares and who's just curious. you taught me not to have expectation on friendship. having 4 quarters is better than 100 pennies.
- go ahead and treat me like an option, no matter how much i care, i'll learn to treat you like one. it's not pride, it's self-respect.
- bottom line is, i dont need anyone in my life who doesnt want to be there. i dont have time for people who walked out on me, you're not welcomed back.
- i hope you find the happiness you deserve. thank you for looking out for me.
- we have lots of things in common; the way we smiled was the same, the look in our eyes when we smiled was the same, our desire was the same, our depression was pretty much the same... when i looked at you, i saw myself. maybe that was why i kept looking at you. maybe that was why i did things i should not have done.
- you deleted my camera records and acted like nothing. the fuck...? are you stupid or what? it's so obvious. did you think i cant figure out that it was you? if you want him that bad just ask. if he really goes for you im pretty sure he's welcomed to. what's with those people who can't get off someone else's boyfriend?
- sometimes i really wish i could slap you with a burning pan.
- i hate it when people touch my head. no patting on my head. no playing with my hair. no checking my forehead temperature. no stroking my face. no holding the back of my head or my neck. no no no NO NO!!!! even my dad cant touch my head. do that again i'll bite your hand off U____U
- to be honest, it still hurts me thinking back of what happened.
- i was really tired of our love-hate relationship. no one can ever love me as much as you do. no one ever hurt me as much as you did. you take care of me physically. you abuse me emotionally. i care for you with all my heart. i annoy the hell out of you everytime. if the world were going to end tmr, i would run to you knowing that i would be safe. at the same time i build up all the walls around me and lock you out. im scared of the invisible distance between us. sometimes i pretend it isnt real. i never see it, but i can aways feel that it's there. i dont think we can ever go back to when everything was fine between us. time changed us, pain changed us. it's too much for me to handle. im sorry i failed you. im sorry we failed each other. i can't do it, at least not right now. if one day i can finally make you happy, i hope you'll forgive me, i hope i'll be able to forgive myself.
- didnt you say these months was really hard for you? it was like hell for me too. it's sad how the reason you ended it was the reason i started. you have no idea...
- things i'll always remember, you already forgot. im the lonely keeper of those memories.
- youre my motivation. you changed my life to a better direction. i'll remember all the lessons i 've learned from you. im really blessed that i met you.
it has been hell of a year, i failed at everything. i lost almost everything, but it could not have been better, in the end everything was worth it. i never got what i want, but somehow eventually i received sth else better. maybe that's how it's supposed to be... my mom always say God has his own plan for everyone. i believe God helps us write our destiny, but we have to be the writers. i also believe if something are meant to be, it will be, at the right time, with the right person and for the best reason.
bye-bye C:
