R.I.P Map :'(

My friend's dog, Map, passed away in April, and I didn't know that till like an hour ago.. I wanted to say sth but I ended up not saying anything. Idk.. I didnt want to remind him.

Why didn't I see that post on my feeds sooner :( ?  I stumbled on his fb today and unconsciously scrolled through his timeline till I saw a picture of map. My heart dropped to the ground... :'( the last time I saw him in September, he was still jumping around and waving his fluffy tail as he saw us walking to the front yard...

...

I first know of my friend's dogs Cookie and Cream/Map when he told me about how cookie was going to have puppies. Soon after that, while we were at work, he showed me a photo that apparently looked like a bunch of tiny furry balls snugging together >"< cuteness overloaded!!! It's been a while I dont remember everything in detail, but I think they had 7 in total but 1 couldnt make it.
I was so excited holding them for the first time, I hadn't held a pet for years ㅠ_ㅠ. I got a lil teary as I remembered holding my dog ever since she was just a tiny little burnt bun. We basically grew up together for 11 years. Anyway, one of them was obviously fatter than the rest and another one was so lazy/sleepy that he barely moved ( *￣▽￣)σ . I think I still have a picture of them somewhere. I fed the fat one once and watched him munching his cracker and the tip of my finger ^^ I wonder how they look now, they must have grown a lot :)

I remember Map being all playfulhyper when I first saw him, always running and waving his tail, standing up and reaching his front legs to my legs (yes, scratched my arms/legs all over everytime). Cookie, however, was being cutely shy. After few minutes of patience, she slowly came closer and let me gently scratch her back. Map, too, loved to be scratched on the head and around the ears. He loved playing fetch, always looked so eager and happy waiting for my friend to throw whatever so he could run after it. But my friend's mom told me that map could be really disobedient at times and that he hated her cause she yelled at him everytime :) ... :( it must have been devastating for her, for all of them...

*these ninjas are chopping onions around me again*


Talking of his mom, once in awhile when something relevant suddenly reminded me of my friend or his mom, I wondered how she was doing. Back then I always found her story touching and respectable how she worked hard with all kind of jobs and took care of the family at the same time, and how she fought against sickness. Hope she has been well.


My parents have grown old too and become much less as healthy as before, while I was busy out there trying to figure out all these youth and dreams thingy, careers, future, relationship, life's purposes and stuffs.
Sigh*



I should go to bed now before I start hating on myself for sleeping so late every night.

G'night map :) good boy.

"Even a falling star still shines." — Tablo.

~ oh hey it's been a year C:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Late night slow jam~ Kyuhyun singing I was once by your side - Toy SHINee during Super Show 3 in Seoul C: His voice is just precious, one of my most favorite kpop vocals.
The guitar cover was beautifully done. It's one slow melody to listen to while lying in the school park with my eyes closed and feel the warm sunlight tracing on my face, or those summer nights where i used to lie in the front yard looking up to the sky, feeling the cool breeze and letting my mind wander among the stars.

When I was 8 or 9, I used to sneak into the astronomy aisle at the bookstore and sat there looking at sky maps all afternoon. My dream job once was being an astronomist since I loved stars so much. I used to have tons of dream job and they switched every year (っ=ˆヮˆ=)っ ~ ♥. I found interest in many different things starting off at invisible super woman to kinder garden teacher, nun *lol*, gardener, florist, vet, pastry chef, barista, interior designer, secret agent or a gangster ~(￣▽￣~;)

As life got busier and sometimes uglier, just like those early memories, the habit of  looking up at all the beautiful things above eventually faded. Not until the last few years of my teenager life, when I actually lived life slower, that I was able to remember what childhood felt like. One July night, I was outside my grandma's house leaning my back on the car's trunk and staring into space, until my eyes spotted a familiar triangle shape on the night sky. For the first time in a long long time, I had that exciting and thrilling feeling again as I was trying to tell them apart. The one I saw was Summer Triangle.

Lately, I've busy at school all day and wouldnt leave till 10 11pm. Very few cars pass by my neighborhood so it's usually dark and quiet at night, and it's where you can see stars the brightest. When the weather isnt too cold, I usually stay out for a while to get some fresh air. From my house, the most visible constellations is Little Bear and of course, Polaris. I can also see Great Bear, which has a kite shape, Cassiopeia has W shape , Triangle, Orion's belt - the 3 stars that always line up straight, Cepheus that looks like a house, and many more of them that i havent been able to tell yet. Isn't that fascinating C:

"To-do-list-before-i-die": watch a meteor shower! C:

"If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.” - Bill Watterson, "Calvin & Hobbes"

just my 2 cent

You know that familiar story where you get close to someone and fall for them, but they dont feel the same way. Eventually you move on but then they decide to come around and act like they
A and B meet, they get close, A falls B, B doesnt, time flies, A moves on, A becomes distant, B reminisces their old happy memories, B realizes B 's in love with A, and things get messy.

I dont think it's love. It's just our nature. We're selfish.
That is all.

"As you get older, the heart sheds its leaves like a tree. You cannot hold out against certain winds. Each day tears away a few more leaves; and then there are the storms that break off several branches at one go. And while nature’s greenery grows back again in the spring, that of the heart never grows back." — Gustave Flaubert.

“Loneliness is black coffee and late-night television; solitude is herb tea and soft music. Solitude, quality solitude, is an assertion of self-worth, because only in the stillness can we hear the truth of our own unique voices.” — Pearl Cleage

“Some people feel like they don’t deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.” — Jon Krakauer

“I live my own life and nurse my own wounds. It’s not the best way to live. But it’s the way I am.” — Jeffrey Eugenides

Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It let's us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.

i just realized today is peep-ee's birthday. time flies woah... it's been 2 years. today compared to this day of last year and of last last year were completely different. haiyaa~ :)
i'm actually glad things turned out like this, the right way it was supposed to be :)
people be talking big with their ignorant minds as if they think they know you. i spent days in the dark corner taking the blame and asking myself why? now i know the reason.
he saved me from the shallow-mindedness. i could never deal with shallow minded people and i never will. spending time alone is even much better and healthier than spending times on some people or something that doesnt worth it.
i should just surround myself with people that make me happy, and i'm happy right where i am right now.

ㅠ_ㅠ~

grandpa규 ㅠ_ㅠ~ 셩규야~ 내게 왜 이러는 거요? ㅠ_ㅠ 어떡해?... 이 느낌이 너무 벅차.

"...참고있어 아프지만 

숨결이 닿을 거리에 언제나 같은 자리에.

세상 누구보다 너를 사랑하기에 참아 더

...난 네게 줄 수 있는 게 없어 but i'm missing you...
난 니 손 잡아줄 수가 없어
감히 바랄 수도 없어
함께 하잘 수가 없어


힘겹게 돌아서 
네겐 가진 건 심장 뿐 못난 놈이라"...

it s been 2 days, im still not over the fact that i failed my bio exam on monday. Usually it takes 20 mins to get to school during that hour. Apparently there was a big crash so the police blocked 2 lanes during traffice hour, so i ended up being stuck on free way for an hour and a half. By the time i got to school i had like 19 mins to do 50 MC. I can never do test while panicking but i tried to finish like 36 37 of them, and got 27 right, so like 72~75%. But over all is 27/50 is like what.. a G?... I was confident i could have gotten 85~90% if i had enough time. I studied so much for this one since my first one was bad. My head and hand hurt from taking too many notes. The test seemed easy since i recognized all the concepts. My prof usually gave out questions that make you think a bit, but i couldnt bc i was running out of time. I dont know what to say anymore..... I should of left the house few hours early? Or i should of gone to school in the morning? Or there shouldnt have been a car crash? I was so disappointed i wished i could blame it on someone, but there was really no one else to blame on but my stupid reckless self. Right after the test, I ran out to the empty area next to hoffman hall to bawl my eyes out cause i couldnt control my frustration any longer. I hate crying and feeling weak and shit, but ... ...so I stayed there for 2 hours and went home looking like a person w severe allergy, swollen pop out eyes, rudolph nose, ghostly pale face from lack of sleep for the entire week. I couldnt even feel blood running under my face. Do i sound dramatic? This is just my

This is getting so terrible. Im paranoid. What the hell :/// What was I even thinking? Jesus Christtt :/
Krystal GET BACK TO YOUR SENSE! ://///

my head is going crazy

in desperate need of a proper hair cut (╯‵Д′)╯彡┻━┻

Only Tears.

*brb sobbing* :'<
Sunggyu's voice really pulls at my heartstrings.

because you saw me when i was invisible :)