I dont know why i just had the sudden urge to be home on new year eve. Well..actually i think i ve wanted to be home every new year eve. idk like when i start a new year i want to be alone, no distraction. My mom ll probably make food if i stay... Or not.. They ll probably be fighting or saying random shit all night and ignore me like always.. But i dont care i just feel like snuggling up on my bed, listen to music or watch a good movie, or be on the phone, and sleep.
Sometimes i do think its not good that i dont try to socialize and meet new pp and all that.. just sometimes...
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Yumemiru.
I had a long dream of my grandma. She beat cancer and still living in vn and my fam came back to visit. We were doing daily things that we used to do. Our house and every detail still looked exactly the same. i planed to come back every break to visit her. Idc how much it would cost. And i planed to study for the citizenship test so maybe we could get her to the state too. But it was time to go to back. But i didnt want to go back. I wanted to stay ... Then i woke up. My heart hurts.
その顔
そった触れて
朝に溶ける
夢見る.
"You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you... That's where I'll be waiting" -
その顔
そった触れて
朝に溶ける
夢見る.
"You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you... That's where I'll be waiting" -
Monday, December 24, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Asleep and awake.
The best trust is proven with time, without anyone's knowing.
The perfect trust,
Those moments, when you're emotionally and physically so close to someone, when every movement they make, every word are so sweet and so dear, when you see yourself slowly, slowly giving them all your trust. The kind of trust when you heart and mind finally stop going against each other, no double thought, no subconscious back up plans in the back of your mind. You hear a whisper "okay this is complete". Its perfection overwhelms you.
Sometimes it lasts.
Sometimes the feeling wears off.
Other times, it breaks.
Those are the perfect, worst type of trust.
And sometimes we underestimate the damage we cause, by breaking someone's trust. We destroy the relationship they have with us. We destroy the relationship they have with themselves. We harm the relationships they have in the future.
I had a long dream.. i wish they stop. My head cant take it..
The perfect trust,
Those moments, when you're emotionally and physically so close to someone, when every movement they make, every word are so sweet and so dear, when you see yourself slowly, slowly giving them all your trust. The kind of trust when you heart and mind finally stop going against each other, no double thought, no subconscious back up plans in the back of your mind. You hear a whisper "okay this is complete". Its perfection overwhelms you.
Sometimes it lasts.
Sometimes the feeling wears off.
Other times, it breaks.
Those are the perfect, worst type of trust.
And sometimes we underestimate the damage we cause, by breaking someone's trust. We destroy the relationship they have with us. We destroy the relationship they have with themselves. We harm the relationships they have in the future.
I had a long dream.. i wish they stop. My head cant take it..
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Im feeling low these days. There s really no specific reason.. or is there.. I tried to occupy myself with things, but at the end of the day i still feel a little empty.
I made up reasons to blame my mood on. At first i said its bc most of my girl friends are all busy brainstorming about presents for their bf and the bfs' families. Secret santa and white elephants and stuffs, while I dont really have to buy any present. This is probably the first xmas i dont even bother to think of buying presents. My own fam doesnt even mind. Im just so numb to every xmas activities this years. And my best friend s been whining about not having a bf to share xmas with every time we talk. But honestly i couldnt hang on to that reason for too long cause im actually glad i dont have to go thru all that troubles while my finance is bad atm.
So i told myself im feeling low bc i ve been lazy to work out and my fat is showing. Its kind of true.. I seriously think i have an eating disorder psychologically... I ll go in details some other times..
There were many more things in my poor head awhile ago but i now lost my train of thoughts bc my tummy is growling.
Goodnight.
I made up reasons to blame my mood on. At first i said its bc most of my girl friends are all busy brainstorming about presents for their bf and the bfs' families. Secret santa and white elephants and stuffs, while I dont really have to buy any present. This is probably the first xmas i dont even bother to think of buying presents. My own fam doesnt even mind. Im just so numb to every xmas activities this years. And my best friend s been whining about not having a bf to share xmas with every time we talk. But honestly i couldnt hang on to that reason for too long cause im actually glad i dont have to go thru all that troubles while my finance is bad atm.
So i told myself im feeling low bc i ve been lazy to work out and my fat is showing. Its kind of true.. I seriously think i have an eating disorder psychologically... I ll go in details some other times..
There were many more things in my poor head awhile ago but i now lost my train of thoughts bc my tummy is growling.
Goodnight.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
In God we trust.
Im lying in bed, thinking of the family members of the deceased and how they all skip sleep tonight... and probably many more nights. Its hard to describe how at the same time at two different places, two different lives go on. Im here in my warm comfy bed, theyre probably out there grieving on the ground, or on their children' bedroom floor, or on the hospital floor... Who knows.. Arent i glad that im alive?... To some, being alive is simply bliss.
People say pain makes you stronger.
Maybe sometimes it doesnt make you stronger.
Maybe sometimes it just hurts.
I heard lots of pp say stuffs like if God exists, why would he let this happen to the innocent children... Personally i think we shouldnt blame God for the bad things that happen in life.. None of them is done by God but by human. But thank him for all the good things we've received.
God blesses.
Dont loose faith.. In the darkest hours, even when every cell on your body opposes, still grip on to even a thin string of faith.. It will lead you through.
People say pain makes you stronger.
Maybe sometimes it doesnt make you stronger.
Maybe sometimes it just hurts.
I heard lots of pp say stuffs like if God exists, why would he let this happen to the innocent children... Personally i think we shouldnt blame God for the bad things that happen in life.. None of them is done by God but by human. But thank him for all the good things we've received.
God blesses.
Dont loose faith.. In the darkest hours, even when every cell on your body opposes, still grip on to even a thin string of faith.. It will lead you through.
