I ve been running away for too long that I lost my way back.
Now i think i understand a bit why some people cut. People who selfharm arent like people anymore. I dont mean theyre sick or just different... They re like another "kind"... That kind of "difference". And to think that the physical pain may ease the emotional pain a little bit for a few second, when the razer shoves in... It s not that they dont let others help them, they just cant hear very well, or they hear nothing at all. Because theyre not our kind, they cant hear our words. All they hear is the voices inside their heads. And thoughts can scar deeper than anything. Maybe all they can hear is just their own voices screaming every second for help. And since we re not their kind, we dont understand their silent screams either.
I never want to fall back to depression again.
I didnt know how i got there. I didnt know what was happening. I didnt know how i got out. It was like going through an invisible tsunami. I didnt see it but i could feel it every second. The only thing i was awared of was that something changed in me, the kind of change that is unable to described but can only be experienced.
I ve read somewhere that a human heart goes through seasons, like trees shredding leaves in winter or after the storm. Eventually in time, the trees are harshly bended, more and more branches leave. But while nature grows back with new skins and leaves, that of the heart never grows back.
