last thoughts of 2011

2011 is almost over in a blink of an eye...

even though many unpleasant incidents happened during the break, which drove me insane, it's still great overall. im really enjoying the break C: it didnt rain much this winter. i was surprised we even got many sunny days. i love sunny days <3 but these 2 days it's been raining dogs and cats.

here r few thoughts to wrap up this year, few words for some pp that i didnt have a chance to tell them

- remember when i begged you to help me out? i was frustrated with you since i didnt hear any answers. but eventually in time, i realized you had done so much for me. i really appreciate it.

- thank you for always being there when i was down. i sometimes took you for granted. maybe we all did that. but im glad we're still there for each other in the end. everytime when i was about to give up, i remembered the effort you made for me and it kept me going. i might not have made it this far without you.

- you taught me what matters and what doesnt, who cares and who's just curious. you taught me not to have expectation on friendship. having 4 quarters is better than 100 pennies.

- go ahead and treat me like an option, no matter how much i care, i'll learn to treat you like one. it's not pride, it's self-respect.

- bottom line is, i dont need anyone in my life who doesnt want to be there. i dont have time for people who walked out on me, you're not welcomed back.

- i hope you find the happiness you deserve. thank you for looking out for me.

- we have lots of things in common; the way we smiled was the same, the look in our eyes when we smiled was the same, our desire was the same, our depression was pretty much the same... when i looked at you, i saw myself. maybe that was why i kept looking at you. maybe that was why i did things i should not have done.

- you deleted my camera records and acted like nothing. the fuck...? are you stupid or what? it's so obvious. did you think i cant figure out that it was you? if you want him that bad just ask. if he really goes for you im pretty sure he's welcomed to. what's with those people who can't get off someone else's boyfriend?

- sometimes i really wish i could slap you with a burning pan.

- i hate it when people touch my head. no patting on my head. no playing with my hair. no checking my forehead temperature. no stroking my face. no holding the back of my head or my neck. no no no NO NO!!!! even my dad cant touch my head. do that again i'll bite your hand off U____U

- to be honest, it still hurts me thinking back of what happened.

- i was really tired of our love-hate relationship. no one can ever love me as much as you do. no one ever hurt me as much as you did. you take care of me physically. you abuse me emotionally. i care for you with all my heart. i annoy the hell out of you everytime. if the world were going to end tmr, i would run to you knowing that i would be safe. at the same time i build up all the walls around me and lock you out. im scared of the invisible distance between us. sometimes i pretend it isnt real. i never see it, but i can aways feel that it's there. i dont think we can ever go back to when everything was fine between us. time changed us, pain changed us. it's too much for me to handle. im sorry i failed you. im sorry we failed each other. i can't do it, at least not right now. if one day i can finally make you happy, i hope you'll forgive me, i hope i'll be able to forgive myself.

- didnt you say these months was really hard for you? it was like hell for me too. it's sad how the reason you ended it was the reason i started. you have no idea...

- things i'll always remember, you already forgot. im the lonely keeper of those memories.

- youre my motivation. you changed my life to a better direction. i'll remember all the lessons i 've learned from you. im really blessed that i met you.










it has been hell of a year, i failed at everything. i lost almost everything, but it could not have been better, in the end everything was worth it. i never got what i want, but somehow eventually i received sth else better. maybe that's how it's supposed to be... my mom always say God has his own plan for everyone. i believe God helps us write our destiny, but we have to be the writers. i also believe if something are meant to be, it will be, at the right time, with the right person and for the best reason.










bye-bye C:

"And you tell me I'm just like my father, my one button, you push it.


You love me, and I love you, and your heart hurts, mine does too.
And it's just words and they cut deep but it's our world, it's just us two.
I see painkillers on the kitchen counter, I hate to see, it all hurt so bad.
But maybe I wouldn't have worked this hard if you were healthy and it weren't so bad." -

"May your neighbours respect you
Trouble neglect you
Angels protect you
And heaven accept you." -

and i held your hand through all of these years...

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears. And if you have to leave, i wish that you would just leave. your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.
These wounds wont seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along.

when you cried, i'd wipe away all of your tears.

when you'd screamed, i'd fight away all of your fears.

and i held your hand through all of these years...

I'm blessed with such amazing people in my life. I cant even put into words how much thankful I am for them.
just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

december 4, 2007

It was an unusual morning, thats how i remember. I was asleep and felt like someone was calling for me. I wasnt dreaming, there was no sound, just a slight feeling. I opened my eye, wide awake, no tiredness, no sleepiness, no headache, it was 5am. Dim lights reflected from my window. I lied still for awhile staring at the ceiling, then i heard footsteps. My grandmother knocked at my door telling me about my mom's call, the phone call that changed our life forever: "your mother called from vietnam, you grandma just passed away".
I went to school like any other tuesday. I dont remember crying or feeling the grieve. I thought it might be because i wasnt there, or i was just glad she was no longer in pain, that she would be happier in a better place. Not until days or months later that i realized this was the kind of pain that will stick with me till the very end. The only thing i ever regret in my whole life was that i could have been there when she died, but i wasnt.
I remember listening to "when the love falls" all day long while i wrote diary about her. Later on i wasnt able to listen to that song again. Even till now, i still have that chill down my skins when i hear it.

"Grandma you tried all your best didnt you? Maybe you should rest now. Granmda i think it's time to sleep...
.. Goodnight."

When my parents came back to the states, none of us ever talked about her last days or the funeral. It was too much to bear. It was the kind of silence that you can hear the slowly cracking sound in your chest.

Few days later it snowed the first snowfall of that winter. Everything was covered in white, and the day seemed brighter. It was the first time i saw snow. It looked really peaceful. I know this sounds silly but that day, for a short moment, i felt like it was a comfort from you.

We're all going to church tmr to pray for you C: its 4am now +_+ This week was deadweek before finals and yes im sure pretty dead by now... please wake me up on time or your beloved son will strangle me in bed...

i miss you too Grandma. I ll see you and Mino again really soon C:
rest.in.peace.

20th.

yep, already. damn.
bye November C: here comes my fav last month of 2011. crazy how time flies.

thanksgiving

it's another thanksgiving grandma. thank you for 20 years of my life, for bringing out the best in me. i was at church the other day and unconsciously thought of you. honestly grandma, i've never felt like that guilty heavy burden in my chest was taken away whenever i think of the past, but you taught me to forgive my past and forgive myself. sometimes i wonder if you were ever happy all those years, if i ever made you happy. some lessons just cost too much to learn... i wanted to grow up to be like you grandma.. everyone girl wants to meet someone who can make them the happiest girl in the world. i want to be able to make someone else the happiest person in the world, my parents, my friends, my partner, my children, my grandchildren... just like how you did.

grandma, im currently in this long and confusing process to figure out who i am and what i want to do with my life. i wander around aimlessly. i fail more than i win. im easier to feel lost than happy. my cup is neither half-full nor half-empty. im like a cracked cup. no matter how full i fill the water in, it's leaking out. and sometimes im afraid to be thrown away or to be left behind, cause no one would want a cracked cup. but grandma even during the worst times, i have faith in myself. i just kind of believe that everything i do im doing it for a better me. i have faith in that cheerful carefree courageous little girl i once was, and it's all because of you C: you raised me up to more than i can be C: 

im not sure how im gonna do this right grandma, but when i meet again, i want to hear you say that i make you proud, i want to tell you  how fulfilled i've lived my life. so until we meet again, please walk with me along my path and guide our family through hard times. mom and dad need you. you know how crazy my parents are. they bring out the worst in me as well as in themselves. everyone's physically and emotionally drained. i guess the only good thing was that thank to them i toughened up and learnt to live independently. sometimes it scares me seeing them getting old. they're parents but they're children too, and i think they need you to be there for them to lean on sometimes, and to teach them to be courageous like you were. i want to be there to pick them up when they fall. one day i want to tell  my parents to sit down and rest cause im able to take care of this family now. we need you with us grandma.

im turning 20 next monday. Jesus im old. grandma i think that there's a part of me that refuses grow up, and i love it cause it's where i find you in me C: i miss you. i'll see you very soon. happy thanksgiving.

C:

Victor Kim. hands down. i admire this man so much C:

i first listened to Canon in D when i was 11 or so. and it's been my "wedding song" ever since<3. i 've heard like a million variations of this beautiful piano piece. think i found the perfect version of it C: and that saranghae omma at the end aw

:)

current escape

"sometimes it takes losing everything you have, to finally grow and find yourself" -

i tend to turn to music when things get low and i lose touch with reality.
when everything else fails, and i mean everything, somehow even the softest and most quiet melody can find a way to touch the deepest place in me.
those nights with nothing else but chilly fresh air, the moist smell of grass and wet soil, starry sky, a burning joint and good music. good times.

 

i heard when we hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.
dont we all change for the better?.. even if it may look bad right now, it'll turn out better.

Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can.

happy halloween :D

we celebrated a friend's bday last weekend and everything was great! good weed and cold drink im just kidding :p tho we laughed so much about that lol.
i ate so much. we got some wings and ribs from buffalo wild wings, cheesecake, crepes, boba, pizza... we came across this senior couple walking their golden retriever puppy while we were in the parking lot and everyone went crazy. the puppy was sooooooo adorable!! if only santa clause wrapped a shiba inu puppy in a box with a lil bow in front of my house on xmas eve!!

my sleep cycle is terrible. i go to bed when the sun rises. lately i've been getting lots of drunk calls and even prank calls during the nights. is this karma...? usually i wouldnt be able to hear my phone ringing while i was asleep but since the new phone vibrates like earthquake... i went to bed at 4 the other day and my friend started calling at 4:30 +_+ as soon as i picked up he bawled out bc of some relationshit :( aw. at least sometimes good talks happen when one of the party is drunk as heck and the other is half-conscious...

Halloween is my 3rd favorite holiday! why? bc it's orange :D!!!
anyway, happy Halloween.

11 years ago omg hahaha i miss my childhood!

sleepless nights, good talks.

"what if we had a chance to remember things that we actually never experience?" -

"sound of the ocean, captured in a shell, like a memory. imagine if you had never been to the ocean, would it be any less real? imagine if it held something different, something more than just a sound.
what would you want to remember, if you could have a memory of anything, real or not?
a memory that actually never took place." 

- shell.

---------------------------------------------------

just saying C:

sometimes i stumble on my ex-crush fb page *moments of silence*... was i drunk the whole time?

i havent gone shopping for so long, need to find some time to hit the mall next week.. recently i've had a serious urge to chop my hair off just above my shoulder and maybe bleach it platinum blonde. im just too lazy to actually do it, and my mom may as well just shave my head after.

my aunt lives next door and apparently my baby cousin loves doraemon so much that she insistently asks to wear my pj everytime she comes over. i didnt want her to trip over the pants so i usually just let her wear the shirt, but even the shirt is longer than her height lol.
so yesterday i went to bed wearing my doraemon pj and woke up this morning in my boyshorts O_____O" my pants were no where in my bed and that just freak the absolute shit out of me! i watch lots of criminal tv shows so the first thing came to mind was wtf a rapist broke into the house during the night and stole my pants lol that sounds plain stupid... i ran out to the living room and found my baby cousin on the couch, wearing my pants and watching cartoons -_- she was like ":( im sorry i pulled your pants to wake you up but it was big so it feel off..."
im just gonna wear 3 pants to bed from now on.. and maybe a belt too.

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness."

i just think that there's much more to a person than what we see.
the sad part is that someone who treat you wrong can be so nice to someone else, and someone who treat you so nicely can be a total jerk to someone else.
when i was little, my mom taught me that when someone you care about so much doesnt take you serious and hurt you, dont hate them but back away and try to forgive the pain, because thanks to those people you learn the power of sincerity when you're able to open your heart to someone, you learn the good in yourself.
it was a long confusing process to learn how to forgive, like you're hurt but you still care. i found myself at war with my own feeling, not knowing when it's going to stop.
...
on the other hand, maybe sometimes you just need to run the bitch over (￣▽￣)ノ

like a letter left unsent.

what i like about instrumental music? there's no storyline, no word, no meaning, just you and your own feeling, your own story as the notes flow.
this piece feels like words that are purposefully left unsaid to protect something from being completely broken. 3:29-4:18 is my favorite part. it's like, after all, even if there comes a day when those words are finally slipped out, soon enough they 'll turn into a quiet whisper in an empty room.
because too much time has flown by, and in the end nothing seems to matter anymore.

in the end they are the only ones that still hang on to themselves, hoping to be heard, the ones that are left behind.

weekends

i just finished this chapter in this book. i turn to the new chapter, read couples of lines then turn back to the old chapter and re-read some parts of it. then i turn back again to the new one, read like a page then turn back to the old chapter again. put that on repeat for 675871878 times or so, i wanna burn my book.

there is this girl i know, she's not doing so well. i think she has dysthymia and major depression, that's what they said. i want to help but i dont know how to. i see her everyday at school and she laughs a lot around people but  her smile isnt convincing at all. i told her i dont know how to help her thru but i can promise she doesnt have to face it alone. isnt it sad? that feeling when you have to go through sth so terrible and youre the only one in the world who knows that. 

i love everything about autumn; the smell of wet soil after the rain, the colors, moist in the air, jeans, hoodies and scarf, cuddling C: cold sunny afternoon, the night sky... today was gorgeous, and next week ll be all sunny. should of take a walk in the park but i slept in too much during weekends -_- i didnt leave the bed till 6pm yesterday... there's sth wrong with me... got some shopping done tho C: 

it's 2:40am, im feeling some pancake and boba. think imma go to original hotcake house next week.

view from my roomc: 

pinwheels<3

i made this thing for autumn c:

i dont even know what this is..

i just realized i ll miss my brother a lot when he s gone :( no one will get boba with me anymore :(
it'll be so fun being home alone with my parents<3... i ll have to go buy 10 packages of advil or 5 hour energy drink or sth
went to some meetings today and met someone i thought i would never meet at school again. it kind of ruined the whole day. i thought PSU was big.. really :|
spent the rest of the afternoon studying bio and eating Ben&Jerry under the warm sun with my beerpong partner :]

 the leaves are turning red <3

 

i switched back to my lollipop so my texting skill is pretty retarded now..havent used normal keypad for so long.. and the picture quality isnt that great anymore.

i really really like this pic i dont know why. there's just sth about it.
it's like a mixture of all my favorite colors, and sth else i just cant explain..anywayyyy

im tired of everything

to cheer up the night, here's a nemo

"numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it" - albus dumbledore

i've been staring at my ceiling for an hour. it's been on my mind for a long time, i need to take it out before all these mixed feelings turn me all ugly inside.

i've been trying all my best not to let what you said destroy me, but the truth is that after all these times, your words are still at the back of my mind.
truth is that after seeing those texts, i never look at myself the same.
i lied because it didnt matter to you if you knew the truth.
did you think you were the only one going through a hard time? WE were in this TOGETHER you dumb ass..
so many times i wish i could tell you what you deserved to be told. but in the end i couldnt open my mouth seeing you struggling like that, so i buried them deep inside and let them hurt me instead. that's how much i care, and i hate myself for that.
all i did was just not to make things harder for you, no matter how bad it turned out for me.

maybe you dont remember.. i cared when no one else did.

blablabla

randomly saw this on fb. this is so old now lol. i havent done this stuff in so long.. boredom to the max.

TEN HOW'S:

How did you get one of your scars?
- i tripped over a rock

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
- i dont celebrate my bday, but usually i get myself a piece of yummy cake. i love cake

How are you feeling at this moment?
- obviously bored lol. and hungry

How did your night go last night?
- i need more sleep

How did you do in high school?
- very good

How did you get the shirt you're wearing?
- from freshman orientation couple years ago

How often do you see ur best friend?
- not very often at all, she lives in CA

How much money did you spend last month?
- idk.. think i spent some on ebay that's all. i dont spend much money in general

How old do you want to be when you get married?
- it changes from time to time.. used to be 27, then 32,now it's like 22 23.. doesnt really matter as long as i have my groom-to-be and im able to take care of a new fam

How old will you be at your next birthday?
- 20, time flies.geesuz -_-


NINE WHAT'S:

Your mothers name?
- mama Chin

What did you do last weekend?
- erh cleaned up, watched movies, visited my grandparents.. and sth else

What is the most important part of your life?
- all of them

What would you rather be doing?
- eatting, no food :< too lazy to cook.. What did you last cry over? - i was depressed for a long time,shitlife happens

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
- good food, that stuff is magic. play with dogs or babies, unfortunately i have none

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
- be yourself, please, by all mean

What are you worried about?
- my health, i've always been not very healthy since..birth

What did you have for breakfast?
- no breakfast, class at 9 -_- i got sushi later


EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:

Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
- yeah

Have you ever had your heartbroken?
- yeah, who hasnt

Have you ever been out of the country?
- yeah

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
- positive, but i cant recall any

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
- yes, but they were minor things

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
- no

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
- i dont think so

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
- the last book of harry potter


SEVEN WHO’S:

Who was the last person you saw?
- omma

Who was the last person you texted?
- BofA

Who was the last person you hungout with?
- huy&ceci

Who was the last person to call you?
- buttface

Who did you last hug?
- buttface

Who is the last person who texted you?
- BofA

Who was the las person you said "i love you" to?
- best friend?


SIX WHERE’S:

Where does your best friend live?
- CA

Where did you last go?
- target

Where did you last hang out?
- sushi hana

Where do you go to school?
- psu

Where is your favorite place to be?
- i like high places, roofie, terrace, ferris wheel..

Where did you sleep last night?
- home


FIVE DO’S/DOES:

Do you like someone right now?
- kind of

Do you think anyone likes you?
- yeah

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
- no, i wish i could be better

Do you know the muffin man?
- no

Does the future scare you?
- very

FOUR WHY’S:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
- we're meant to be haha

Why did you get a facebook?
- to stalk pp

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
- it's from a girl who fell to earth from the sky in an old movie

Why are you doing this survey?
- reminds me of the old myspace day


THREE IF’S:

If you could have one super power what would it be??
- to heal, telepathy, teleportation, empathy, super senses omg i cant choose!

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
- definitely, be with my grandma during her last days

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?
- SOS alert gps tracker..


TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
- no

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
- some of the questions r dumb

ONE LAST QUESTION

Are you happy with your life right now?
- im not perfectly happy, but im not desperate with it either, it's whatever

I ve been lying in bed for almost 2 hours but Im still wide awake. Im not even sleepy. I have to wake up at 7 tmr. Somebody please shoot me!!!!!

OCTOBER♥

Why am i up at 7:30 on a saturday morning...

autumn sky is the prettiest❤

it's been a very interesting week!
-criminal minds new season 7 was out last week!! im happy as a clam!!!! new dexter is out tooooo!!!! i still have so many episodes to catch up with, as well as drama. i havent properly watched a korean drama since last year.. been watch korean variety shows instead LOL RUNNING MAN and 1N2D FTW
-LUAN LEGACY! xD
-school is okay, could have been better. im still not used to not having the old group of friends around. we had so much fun together before and now we all drifted apart thank to some stupid conflict. this really upset me for awhile. whatever.
-my profs are all great, esp my bio prof! im satisfied with all my classes except the bio lab, 6 to 9pm is pretty insane hour to do lab. i dislike lab in general. they re all too long.
outside of classrooms i feel like a loner.
i've been coming to the vsa office to find some company :( i started to like the place a lot lol it's a cozy happy office :D
-my foot is a lot better now, even tho it still looks ugly!
-im glad the weather of this week has been still autumn-ish. today was gorgeous, chilly but sunny! im waiting for all the leaves to turn red, it ll be so pretty.

-it's midnight now and im starving... class at 9 tmr T_T Goodnight world! Bye September❤

>>> view from 2nd floor shattuck hall :) 

back to school!

life s too short to wake up with worries and regrets, make each day count!

:(

- omma's hurting my mind with her depressing music -_-
- my broken toenail is a real pain in the butt. I put to much energy on protecting n preventing it from getting more fcked up. I ve been taking pain relieve pill which made me drowsy, sleepy and tired as heck. School starts in 1 day and i ll have to walk all around the bigass campus to get into any avaiable lab. Its so hard to walk now. Why did this happen to me ??? What kind of BAD luck is this ??? Why me why now why why why??? These days i been having a strong passion to blame it on anyone so i can hate that person to death for hurting my toe n making my life miserable. But really i couldnt blame anyone but my clumsy self. Now i hate myself. Great.
Basically, what happened was that we were playing this hide and game in the dark. It was all fun till i ran into a big rock, kicked it with all my strength, fell and rolled on the rough ground -_- now i have like 7 bandaids on my legs. I saw blood in my nasty toe and lost my sense -_- i didnt even have a clear idea of what happened after that and how i got home... I got my memory back the next day tho.. So i went home trying to clean my foot. After looking at my toe for few minutes, i knocked the fck out in the bathtub -_____________- geezus. My bro saw me and woke me up few mins after. Why did i play hide and seek in the dark? Why didnt i wear sneakers? Why was there a bigass rock on my way ????? WHYYYYYY
Such painful, dramatic, heartbreaking story TTT________TTT

- kay im done venting. Im just mad so i need to let it out. This is nothing compared to before :p i should be thankful i didnt break any bone :D
- no,i lied. I hate rock i hate rock i hate rock x[

- we went crawfish catching today. It was nice being in beautiful nature before a stressful school year starts; bright blue sky, white clouds, green trees, the sound of the river, the moist in the wind n____n
- but i feel sick now :(
- been crazily craving for japchae, beef udon and boba
- lots of things happened this week; friends, work, family, school, myself... Im a bit overwhelming.

K goodnight world :]

"i said fuck that new girl that's been in your bed, and when youre in her i know im in your head" -

it's like youre rubbing salt on my cuts.

brace myself for the goodbye :) cause that's all i've ever known.

When i moved to america, i left my sick grandma n my dog behind. There's a hole in me ever since. It haunted me. I have a fear of saying goodbye, fear of drifting away from someone or something.

Is this what everyone always do? Moving on?
What should i do if i want some of them to stay?

I got a DORAEMON PJ!!!!!!!! My childhood is now complete lol! It was originally my friend's pj but he sounded like he would never ever wear it (sad -_- how can someone resist doraenon... jk haha). the other day he was like "you should of take it" so TADAAAA~~~ n_______n.

♪

Jayesslee<3
this cover has a special meaning :)

♪

the day after.

He asked me how long it usually takes me to move on. He said he still somehow has feeling for the girl he dated years ago. I think its a good thing that we still remember the feeling we once had with someone. Afterall, there were good memories. Idk.. I told him for me moving on doesnt always mean that you dont feel that way anymore. It simply means that you refuse to let hurtful memories in the past stop you from living the present. Maybe the feeling fades, or maybe it still hurts, maybe it'll hurt for awhile, but life goes on. Maybe after a period of time keeping myself busy with life, i pause and look back to realize that even though the person i need was no longer there, my life goes on. And in that short moment, i feel at peace again. Idk if i give up easily or im just quick to accept the situation, the kind of situation that, no matter what i do, will never change.
He thought the same way.

Being home alone sometimes reminds me that its been awhile since she left.
I look around the quiet house and it just hit me :"oh right..she s not here anymore."
I always feel like she s still around, even though i just cant really see her. it feels strange n empty everytime. Its like she was just here yesterday, like after 4 years she s still gone on her long term vacation.
For a long time, i went to bed thinking she would be home again soon, and that i would hear her footstep when i woke up the day after.

UKISS - NEVERLAND

loveee their choreography!!

it's been awhile since i found a mainstream kpop song that i actually like. they all sound pretty much the same to me lol fast beat, loud bass, repeated, autotune.. and female singers focus way more on showing off their bodies instead of singing, at times i thought they were wearing monokini in their MV lol. hmm it's just my opinion anyway :p
so many girlbands n boybands debuted. after snsd i cant really remember any names of other group's members.. but they all have awesomeeeee hair haha!!!
i kinda miss shinhwa/dbsk era bla.bla.

- drunk pp and their honesty... sigh*
- caffein and alcohol together is a bad idea -_- theyre fighting each other and my tummy is like a battle ground
- almond milk tea boba is pretty good!
- i wanted to chop my hair off but i didnt dare to
- late night phone calls c:
- everything in life happens with a purpose, no pain no gain
- guy friends r pretty awesome. they re like just a call away
- pp who r unsure of their feeling and mess with others' feeling :|
- i want the 52" inches bear from costco so bad
- got new white case n anti glare screen protector for my baby
- flashbacks
- one day i ll see the Northern Lights, a meteor shower and go to a night sky lantern festival in china :D
- dont have to tell me everything.. just dont lie to me
- i can see cassiopeia constellation from my house c:
- xmassssssss is comingggggg!!!
- im so not ready for new school year
- why do you have so much time to think of different ways to make me feel low of myself O_O? im just different from you. Call me weird or anything you want. My weirdness doesnt harm anyone. There r always someone who s more attractive, more intelligent and more fun to talk to, the only thing i can be is me :p your ignorant opinion isnt gonna change who i am. So feel free to have a seat with the rest of the crazy people who r waiting in line for me to give a fuck.
- im ready for some autumn weather :D
- im hungry ugh
- i miss working with the old crew..Oh well :) at least we had some good memories to remember
- kevin and his dad <3 LOL
- i wish i have a bigger closet..
- this post is getting unnecessarily long...
- spicy egg ramen sounds so good right now
- "im size 6. Sometimes i can wear a 5 or a 7, but i can wear neither 10 or 4, no matter how pretty them shoes are and how much i wanna buy them. Somestime i bought them anyway just to see my feet all swollen after a day. You get the idea. Not everything fits well in my life no matter how much i try to, whether its family, friendship, relationship, carreers..whatever. So if you know from the beginning that it s not gonna fit you then leave it. Why putting up with the pain? Keep looking you ll find your perfect pairs. The key is to accept, to stop comparing and stop looking for the old ones in the new ones" - drunk people talk.
- idk if you remember, but i cared when no one else did.
- i finally met Bear again tonight and he looked adorableeeeee! He grows so fast.
- been watchin Smile You, such great drama:)

♪

im so addicted to this version! *replay*replay*replay*

Bye august:D youre my fav month! See u next year!

Helloooo september:D last month of summer, please slow down.

Bad news is that August ended with a massive hangover for a whole freakin day.. I usually stop at "tipsy". Why didnt i stop myself this time :| and all my coworkers n manager were there... Pertect timing to make a fool out of myself :/ and after i threw myself in bed, i started calling pp -_- i didnt even wanna show up at work the next day. Terrible.

Good news is that luckily they didnt get to see "round 2" in the car +_+
But still, besides all the embarrassing moments, i was glad i let everything out, hurtful things i have been bottling up for awhile. I didnt rmb how we started. But it was worth the night.
But i felt so so bad for confusing the crap out of my friends:/

k no more till next term -_-

2nd

I just woke up from a nap. I ve been having dreams every single time i fall asleep for more than a month and it's been exhauting. I hate dreaming, it feels like my mind is never at rest. I only dream when im stressed, but isnt everything getting a bit better now? Why still -_-

I dreamed of you this time. it was so unexpected that i was a bit shocked when i woke up.. This was the 2nd time i ve seen you in 4 years. I thought i would cry :(
You were wearing the same light blue shirt, black pants, curly messy hair and pale skin c: we shared my earphones to watch a tvb drama on my ipod HAHA so weird. We were just lying there next to each other C:
Then i woke up.

I can see the orange sky outside the window from my bed. Summer's almost over.

You miss me dont you C: i miss you too C: i miss you everyday. i ll see you very soon C:

Landon's voice is deep, warm and damn sexy.

C:

"Eventually all things fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moments, and know everything happens for a reason."
— Albert Schweitzer

My omma is strangely hyper tonight. She jumped on me, she talked to me like she was talking to a puppy, she sang and danced along to dancing queen, she even slapped my butt...
"omma why -_- dont do that i do not like it"
Her:"but i did that when you were born too"
"do i look like im a newborn -______-"

Now she s enjoying her korean drama..

My omma is a kid at heart! She's crazy, but adorable!

That feeling when you know you ve been taken for granted,
that you have always been an option,
that they were only with you because they had no one else,
that youre good enough till they find someone better,
that when they realize they have hurt you, they would feel bad for a second and forget it right when sth else catches their attention,
and that the happiness you once thought you had was from a lie.

Then you look at them and deep down inside you know a part of you still wishes them happiness.
They still mean something, they re just not worth it anymore.

You said you hate to see me hurt. So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes

a walk to remember

Omma moved my bed so from now on i ll be sleeping facing my mirror on the wall. one of the things i dislike the most: sleeping near a mirror.. Imagine seeing your reflection in a dark room at night TT_____TT just earlier i was txting on my phone and looked over to my right, my phone light reflected in the mirror, showing parts of my face egrjrhfksjdfsjkdrfdd it was creepy af... Not to mention that i watched Insidious earlier TT______TT....someone saves me..............

I just finished reading the book. It was great, i think i like the book a bit more than the movie. I didnt know it was a lot different from the movie tho. But then i looked at my phone and its 3:30... I swore to myself i would go to sleep at 11 every night -_-. Failed. This is so bad..

I used to wonder why the author chose that tittle. When Jamie was walking down the aisle towards Landon on their wedding day, she had to stop half way to catch a breath bc of her sickness.
"It was, i remembered thinking, the most difficult walk anyone ever had to make. In every way, a walk to remember." - Landon.

ugh

i love summer, but my weakness is the heat. it hit 92 F these 2 days. it's not really that hot compared to others states which i heard that the temperature could go up to 115 or sth (God bless them T_T),  but this is still way too hot for me.
lightheaded, dehydrated, dizzy, migraine headache, heat stroke ..etc .. im like.. well-cooked by the heat
dear lord -_-

-> my fav version of Hallelujah

5:19

"every story has an ending. but in life every ending is a new beginning" - Ray

My manager's leaving for another job at the end of this month.
Im happy for her and all... but it feels kinda suck not seeing her around. Another coworker of mine already left for another job too, which is good for her but i'll miss working with them.
I ve been working there for 2 years and i guess my job means a bit more than just a ws job to me. She kind of pulled me out of my shell, or sth like that. I actually talked to people beside my cirlce of friends, which i never did in hs.. I wasnt much of a talker, im still not, it's not really a problem.. but things are different now.

I hate getting attrached to pp easily, when theyre gone i feel kinda lost. Its gonna be so much different when she s not here anymore.
When she posted her resignment announcement, it just hit me: "oh yeah.. For awhile i forgot every story has an ending."
I dont know if im making a big deal out of this..probably.. But still, i admit it does matters to me.
Next fall term is my 3rd year in college, i ll probably stay in school for 5 years cuz im slow -_- but i still dont know where im going and what the heck im gonna do with my life.

Oh well :) babo hang in there.
:)
:)
:)

미안해요

보고파 보고파서 그대가 보고파서
이제 난 습관처럼 그대 이름만 부르네요, 오늘도

미안해요

im so overwhelmed.

"For you it's separation, to me it's waiting"-JJ

:'(

I had the worst day. Im at my limit. Why do things never go right for once? Cant pp just leave me alone:/ Im just a fucked up girl who's trying to find her own peace of mind. It's exhauting n suffocating.

At least i got to visit my grandparents. i love my baby cousins; as soon as i opened the door, they all came running towards me. *aw* Dawn was cute as always and baby Grace finally talked to me (after half an hour letting her bite my phone...) All she can say is "bye", "ah" and "uh oh" haha. but then omma turned that 30 mins visit to 3 hour visit... All my plans for tonight were gone. -_-

no one is able to go to haiwaii with me... Sigh.

Finished moving all my dramas n movies into the external harddrive. Is now enjoying the great life of watching HQ dramas on big screen tv. Hallelujah!

Besides from that, gnight world, hope i can at least get a good sleep tonight..

I just realized that if you lie down outside at night, the sky will actually seem like a LOT closer >:D<, esp when there r clouds.
But the electric lights were so bright, which made it hard to see many stars :C I saw an airplane tho..... this post can't get any more random.. *_*

Hope i can see a meteor shower one day.

*i didnt realize its already august. my favorite month:]

just saying

Whats with the ex thing "im here if you ever need me"
Where the hell were you when we were together and i needed you? :|

- went to my hs friend's wedding today. It was beautfiful. *tears*

- my 3tb external harddrive arrived yesterday. My computer is now saved! Thanks God!

- i hate the fact that my health is so poor. Migraine and neck pain r killing me. I start to worry that i may have some kind of cerebellar tumors/disorders or gastric cancer or whatever T_T

- rent dae jang geum from the lib amd been watching it again. such great drama :D

- its getting so hot in my house. i may as well just sit in the bathtub till summer s over.

some things in life are better left unsaid

tammie said i changed a lot, so did i.
she thinks im much more quiet now. i think she still talks a lot and complains a lot more Haha.
we started telling each other about what happened in the past 4 years that made us who we are right now. i realized i didnt remember anything but tough times, mean people, hurtful words.. that's not so true, is it? i did have some good memories somewhere.
i tore up.
i knew it was gonna be hard and it was really hard growing up.
there were times when i felt like i was living in a world that i didnt belong to; there was another world that i knew i was no longer a part of.

i admit, things are a lot better now:) though i think im currently in this long and confusing process of figuring out who i am and what i want to do in life.

*i just took a five minute break to kill one mother effing spider in the ceiling ++___++ i dont think i can sleep tonight T____T

but yea, shitlife happens. i like the way it is now :) a lot less troublesome.

but she fell asleep while i was talking so i ended up here writing this blog. the firework was specially prettier tonight because of ME!!! no i wish... i guess it's saturday so they decided to shoot more firework. my fav is the one that sparkles; they look like golden babystars falling down from the sky:D

we drove around downtown san diego this morning and im loving this city.
im still coughing my lungs out and my nose is still stuffed and i've been blowing my nose so many times that i have reindeer nose now. ugh.

off to bed and happy tumbling now :D g'night world~~

i finally got to see harry potter today. i bawled my eyes out esp @Snape's parts T_T when he said harry had lily's eyes and when his patronus appeared as a doe :'(
but the ticket was so goddamn expensive, $14, so we stayed to watch Friends With Benefits :p and it turned out much better than i expected. it was hilarious n sweet<3 but the part when Jamie was hiding in the box and listening to all the bad stuffs Dylan said about her got me all emotional... probably because i knew how she felt
it was a happy ending tho :) love the movie n_______n

i went to see the firework again haha tammie's aunt must have found me weird.

we drove around USD on our way home. i swear their campus and buildings are reallyyyy pretty!! like a super high-class castle! it's up on the hill so we could see the whole city lights at night, like rocky butte :D i miss rocky butte.

firework!!!!!

@9:50 every night at seaworld :DDDDD we ve been going to the bay the last 2 days to see firrworks
Man if i lived here, i would probably go everynight hohoho

So I woke up yesterday morning with a fever-_-. Thought my sore throat was just a common cold, turned out its sinus infection. Its a lil bit better now tho.

I miss portland already.

i dont understand people at times

i dont usually say this, therefore when i tell someone i ll be there for you if you need me, i mean it. and i still remember those few people whom i ve said that line to, even if we slowly drift away, or we stop talking, or they forget.

-----------------------

i have a friend who once talked bad about me behind my back and looked down on me.
now we're not close anymore, but recently he has been hanging around and and acting friendly like he cares. i wonder what advantage he thinks he can take of me cause i cant see any. i dont understand people at times. why wasting your time with someone you dont value for no reason ..?

-----------------------

im currently in bed in a dark room and i need to use the bathroom but light switch why you have to be all the way across the room...
there's a mirror opposite to the bed. i've read an article about ghost stories and it said one of the good ways to see ghost is to brush your hair in front of the mirror at 12:00 am with the light off. muahaha.
tammie knocked out awhile ago lol we re in san diego btw. today was the day i actually met her again after 4 years. im glad to see her but somehow sth doesnt feel right...

my flight was only 2 hours an a half compared to her 18 hour flight. insane.
it could have been better if i could get a window seat. the clouds were awesome. it's not like you can be above the clouds everyday :DDDD
for a moment it was kinda sad thinking that the last time i was on a plane, i was leaving home :(
oh well :)
the water here tastes so weird..
my throaat been hurting since morning and it got really worse now. fml.

alright goodnight world :D

sunset C:

the whole sky turned orange-ish, so pretty :D

i ended up watching HP 6 out of boredom. the part where professor Dumbledore was lying dead on the school yard and professor McGonagall raised her wand to light up the gray sky then everyone else did the same thing :'(((((

still,-_-
i havent found any free time to see HP 7 part 2. this is unacceptable &%^@&$%^)&$%^)$@#%^@$&(

rainy sunday morning C:

snuggled up in my warm and comfy double goi cuon C: i like the sound of rain against my window, the sound of birds tweeting, the smell of wet grass/soil and moist air. felt so fresh n___n

but i had a very very inappropriate dream -_- wtf.
i've been having bad dreams a lot, like every night for more than a week :[ with the same pp in my dream, same concept, just different scenery >_< oh god! inception!!!

lately i've enjoyed spending more time on my own. it doesnt feel lonely at all, instead it feels good concentrating on what/whom that actually matters. pp's craps and fakeness started to make me bored.

woke up for no reason and went out to the back yard.
the smell of early morning C:

what i ve learned from watching tons of criminal tv show

dont live in a bigass house, you ll probably get killed :|

What goes around comes around bitch.

Best things bout the beach trip:
-the ocean sound
-fireworks, i freakin love fireworks!! Wish we had enough time to play with sparklers.
-the night sky on our way back. I ve never seen a sky with that many stars and they were all so clear and bright and had dif. shapes! The prettiest sky i ve ever seen. Ughhh i needa go camping so i can just lie under the stars at night!!


Bad news:im sick -_- blame it on the heat..
Dont feel like working on saturday at all..

love this song since i was little. im nowhere near being a good catholic, but there's a lot of good feelings in this music there! the movie is as old as i am geez haha.

just downloaded a bunch of movies and gonna watch letter to juliet now. same girl from dear john n she has amazing blonde hair and pretty eyes! italy is so beautiful. wish i had netflix tho.
summer feels really great. i start to enjoy every bit of it.
i also got back in the habit of writing diary everyday. like literally write it down in a notebook. last time i wrote was back in freshman year in hs?

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha

i used to tell omma how i've never felt truly happy ever since we moved, tho it's been almost 4 years. it gets really lonely at times.
but today i felt so blessed seeing all the efforts they did for me.

-----------------
battle ground trip was really great. my friends are such dorks:x
i sat on a rock near the lake for almost an hour, spacing out. it felt good after.
so many cute fluffy fat dogs running around.

-----------------
woke up so many times during the night with ipod charger, phone charger and earphones all tangled around my neck. the heck..

-----------------
the first time i watched My Sassy Girl was back in 6th or 7th grade. i remembered going to Diamond plaza cinema with omma n bro, and we ate Lotteria after. i thought it was hella funny and was rofl.
2 days ago i watched it again. the feeling was different.

-----------------

i wanna go to Venice.
-----------------

that's pretty much enough randomness for a night. goodnight world.

3:32am

"some try to forget, some tend to dwell. me? i will do neither" - places we should have gone to

life is so unpredictable.

no pain comes without a purpose

dont give up on love :)


i remember the first time i had my heart broken, i was at lost and did not know what to do. and i wondered how many times this would happen again in life. it took 4 years and a half to heal


later on..


the second time took 1 year and 9 months


the third time took 8 months


all kinds of worries, confusing thoughts, fucking up, waiting, expectation, disappointment, being led on, false hopes, mixed signals, GAMES, lies and truth.. i sometimes tried so hard to laugh, to appreciate all the happy little things in life, just to lie in bed at night and realize i was still in the same position i was trying to escape from. i missed those times when i could fall asleep without worrying about anything.


everytime when i thought i could finally get a break between all the heartbreaks, another unexpected guy came around and messed my life up again. i'm the youngest and the least experienced among my friends, but sometimes it's sad how people are too quick to judge. they look at your life and assume you have nothing to worry about. a smile can hide so much. everyone is fighting their own wars.


im still at lost. but looking back on those years, what really matters isn't how many times you 've had your heart broken, but how many times you overcame it.


it takes times.. and im willing to wait.


i guess everyone needs different amount of times. in my case, at some points i felt like it could take forever. and soon enough, before i even realized it, it was over and someone else came then we repeat the cycle again. how ironic.


but if there is anything that i learned, dont give up on love :) the beginning is usually scary and the ending is usually sad, so make whatever in between worth remembering. dont take someone for granted. let go. forgive yourself. give before you take. treat the person the way you want your daughter or son to be treated by their future partners. try before you give up. actions speak louder than words. assumption is the root of all problems. have some respect.


love yourself.
know where you stand, dont lose yourself on the process of chasing something.
trust in God's timing.


dont give up on love :)

"im coming home. im coming home. let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday. i know my kingdom awaits. and they've forgiven my mistakes."-im coming home-jcole-skylar grey

when five fell

"she tells me she wants to be a raindrop. she doesnt mind falling, as long as she's not alone. And raindrops are never alone." - When Five Fell@Wongfu

Good morning sunshines :D

june4 :)

늦었지만 생일 축하해요 유천
정말 고마워.. 항상 신념을 간직해라

I just happened to know sth i should not have known.
You ll never know what you ve have had till you lose it



Its too late

*rambling time*

I guess im the youngest, the less experienced, and that probably means i dont know shit, that i dont understand whats going on or how it feels like, that i dont know how pp throw lies around, that pp dont have to take my words or my feeling serious...
----------
Its not that i dont understand you, i just tend to be quiet at times -_-
----------
People change. They end up having nothing to say to each other even though they were so close the year before.
----------
There r people whom i tried to keep in my life. Some already left. Some r about to sooner or later. Some r still around.
There r also few who made me feel blessed having them in my life, even if it's only for awhile. Not many of them. Just a few. Im glad our paths crossed.
----------
Whether its taking each other for granted, or pp changing over time, bottom line is someone has stopped trying
----------
I dont feel secure enough. Im pretty scared. But its okay i can do it!!!
----------
I eat too much noodles...
----------
is wiz high everyday like for real real? Thats what pp said idk..
----------
Im sleepy now, and so hungry
----------
I miss being friend with someone who doesnt want to be my friend. I let go but it still bothers my mind once in a while.
----------
I seriously want japchae and tteokbeokki right now, like RIGHT NOW.
----------
These stuffs r so ranrom, but it feels good to let everything out...
----------
I wonder it he s sleeping right now
I kinda miss the late phone calls :< ... I should call to wake him up then hang up xP ---------- (￣▽￣;) ---> always smells good!
----------
I need food im starvingggg
----------
...
----------
A smile can hide so much
----------
Things change. Pp change. But it doesnt mean the feelings they once had werent real. It just mean that sometimes when pp grow, they grow apart.
----------
Forgive yourself
----------
Wongfu-Strangers, Again
Its true..
----------


Hey, it's alright.
Gnight world.

little foot!! :D

i cant sleep, i miss you again

im sorry
i dont even know what the point is for saying sorry now..

i miss you.
:(
:)

vinhan

It's been too long:)




N: "khanh oi, what number is this V?"
K: "5!"
N: STUPID its 2
...
N: "khanh oi, what number is this V"?
K: "...2"
N: "nopeee its 5!"
... -_-


2:07am 4/23
K: "N what number is it V"
3:04 am
N: " HAHA.5!"



6:34am
K: "its 2"
K: "haha old time joke :)"
N: "no matter what you say, its 5"
:))
N: "What r you doing, its 8:45pm over here"
K: "just woke up, srill in bed listening to yiruma, its 6:45am over here, early.."
N: "what song, i ll play it too"
K: "may27"
N: "hold on i need to go poop"
K: "stink! I can smell it from here -_-"
N: "what song now"
K: "time forgets"
..
N: "you should make twitter"
K: "uhm.."
...







>:D< "Mobile hug! Arms around your phones pleazeeee" hahaha >:D

May27

one of my fav. i've been listening to yiruma again these days. i love this piece, the first time i heard this song, i thought it sounded so happy and content, like you just accomplished sth really great that made you so happy but you couldnt really express all that feeling at once
i just figured out that he wrote this for his wedding day May27 haha, they must've been really happy. it's so sweettt :D 
kinda remind me of when i was in primary school, i used to want Canon in D as my wedding song :*

UP !

Paradise Falls ^_____________^

idont even know where that place is :<

>>great movie :D


















:)

my fav scene :)

this one too :)

was trying to get my mom to do this with me but she said it's dirty =_= mom's no fun, it's so cute tho :)

mimosa hill :)

i got an email from tammie, saying she 's at Da Lat right now and she went to the hill where we used to take photos together
i remember us climbing up on to a small hill called Mimosa. we were screaming our throats out and flashing water down the hill. and we were just sitting there for awhile, looking up to the sky and talking about how life would go by in a blink of an eye, how what if we ended up in different places in this huge world.
i remember the sky was clear, not too dark, not too bright, we saw some farmers working in their fields from far away, she asked me if they could hear our scream. and i remember at that very second i told myself to cherish that moment, to really feel it to the fullest cause i knew it would be gone. i wanted to make sure that when many years pass by later, i would still be able to recall that feeling, to be with your smartass crazy cheesy bestest friend on top of a breezy hill in a chilly afternoon, to just sit there worrying about absolutely nothing but the company of each other, to keep silent for a really long time knowing that the person next to you was thinking and feeling the same way you were.. :) "those are the moments that stand alone and never falter".. too much to think for a 13 year old:) i still think a lot, which is really annoying sometimes

tammie bogoshipeo yo :< that makes us sound old lol youre 20 already, im getting there. 9 years are a lot of time wow :) this is random but i told her i know this guy who broke up with his gf of 10 years, i was like wtf---------
and we were both like "dont you ever break up with me ;p or i ll kill us both" muahaha, we're so homo.. jk
she's not even like a best friend, she's my other half. YOURE MY SMARTASS CRAZY CHEESY OTHER HALF YOU HEAR MEEEEEEEE. b!tch i hope she have fun on her vacation while i stuck with school and an ochem exam next monday :x

my other best friend used to say that i had been living in the past for too long. i did.
i couldnt help it.
now i learn not to sink too deeply but carry it with me along the way:)
pp say memories can be a burden, they remind you of beautiful things that you know you can never get back, or hurtful things you can never forget. i thought memories are blesses, tho it hurts sometimes, or everytime. they remind me that things happened, once, for a reason that made me where i am right now. isnt it beautiful itself? Minnie said "dont cry because it's over, smile because it happened" :)

i dont even know how i can remember certain things so clearly, like how i remember all the actors n actress' names from a drama i last watched years ago.. why cant i remember ochem n bio that well :|

i made a wish long time ago that i could go back to that mimosa hill with her once again, i wonder how old we will be then. Tammie, you and i, we are now like 2 people of 2 different worlds that r trying our best to collide :) silly us. it's half the world away. i used to love this song called Hey Delilah by Plain White Tees, there is one part of the lyric that 's like
"1000 miles seem pretty far
but they 've got planes and trains and cars
i ll walk to you if i had no other way
our friends would all make fun of us
but we ll just laugh along because we know that none of them has felt this way
tammie i can promise you
that by the time we get thru
the worlddddd will never ever be the same"
:)
i dont remember how long the earth circumference is hmmmmm 25000 miles ?? so from my place to your place is probably 12500 miles. im pretty sure im not gonna walk to you.. or drive.. or swim

but when that time finally comes, i can imagine myself with a huge grin on my face but crying my eyes out, like.. always:)

"love may travel so far but it ll take you to where you belong", and because the earth is round, pp who love each other will be back together :)

i also received minnie's email today, asking why i deactivated fb. it was troublesome i guess, seeing things you dont want to see. she said wongfu had their newest trailer uploaded for a short movie that is coming soon. its called "strangers, again". it's about relationship. everything on youtube is about relationships.. and puppies and cats.. jk
i miss her too, and my vinhan too :| at times i miss us together so much i could actually feel some kind of ache inside.. but well, we were parts of each other.. yea, were, but im glad it happened:)

i have never felt fully happy about my life after i moved, still i think im blessed to have such great pp as parts of my life. each of them hold each piece of memory of me :)
my current friends are great too :) i cant imagine how hard it could have been without all the fun times with them.

im one lucky girl, right grandma !!

why am i talking too much tonight? it's 3 am right now, and instead of studying for ochem or sleeping, i actually sit here typing these shit, smh
goodnight world:)

husky!!!

i hugged a husky for the first time in my entire life xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
he was soooooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and softttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

he looked like a purebred Siberian. i want a dog so bad!

i dont know what to do anymore. either choice i make, someone still gets hurt.
she asked me how about you, what do you really want
idk.. i guess i really want to have the gut to give myself a chance
.. i always hold back

"i dont really believe in soulmate, but i believe in hard work, if you really care about someone and you work hard for them it's a solid relationship itself... that feeling is worth any pain, you dont really have to worry that that person is the one or not.."

i missed you today.

i happened to talk about you to a friend today :) he said you wanted me to be strong
i am trying to :)

there were times when everything fell apart and i didnt know where to run to, i have 200 sth contacts in my phone list but i didnt know who i could call. sometimes i called tammie but she couldnt get it she was half the world away. sometimes i ended up calling our old homephone in vietnam just to hear a stranger talking on the other line that i might call the wrong number :( i wasnt wrong was i :( ? it's our homephone.. or i guess it was..
you re not there anymore

but afterall, i am trying :)
i missed you a lot today

oh that friend, he has the same birthday as yours, such coincidence :)

not all scars show.

"I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more."
– C.S. Lewis

habit.

once in awhile, every images of the past flood back

things' changed. memories fade
people move on.